Low iodine diet: Day 18. RAI therapy tomorrow!

Happy (?) RAI eve! Tomorrow I will be swallowing a decent dose of radiation to hopefully rid myself of cancer. On the bright side, I will probably have a better meal selection at the hospital. I've run out of things I will eat around here. Today I had an apple, a sweet potato with syrup, and an iodine-free blueberry muffin.

Another thing happened: Sean came home from work looking as gray as an elephant. These past few days I have felt as if I had been run over by several trucks and am still not feeling great, but now that Sean seems to be exhibiting the same symptoms I'm placing bets that this has been a flu bug and not all hypothyroidism as I suspected. Dylan was crying last night after he landed himself in time out and he threw up all over his chair and twice more when I carried him to the bathroom. So is he sick, too? I mean beyond the head cold that all four of us have contracted? Either way this cannot come at a worse time. The last thing Sean needs is to feel miserable while trying to care for two sick babies..and drive me to the hospital in the morning.

I go back and forth with how I'm handling this. Part of me is prepared and ready to get it over with, part is distraught at the thought of leaving my family, and a part of me--the part that will be living in a plastic-covered room for three days--feels like the boy in my 6th grade home room who was sprayed by a skunk and everyone called him "skunk boy" until high school.

I will be skunk boy. And gladly so if it means that I no longer have cancer.

When "special" brownies mean that they cohere to a low iodine diet...

Let's talk about what being super hypothyroid feels like. Aside from the obvious definition of 'absolute shit'. I woke up about an hour ago or so, just after midnight, feeling sick to my stomach, congested, and freezing. It is now 1:30AM and I'm in the tub and I must've been here the whole time but I have no recollection of getting in or any concept of time. The faucet is dripping slowly and I can hear it: plop plop plop plop plop. But I keep looking around the bathroom for the source of the sound because when I look at the faucet dripping it is delayed. My eyes are physically delayed at the moment. And hasn't it been 1:29AM for at least ten minutes? I do not like how I am feeling! I don't even drink caffeine because I can't stand feeling like I no longer can control my body, forget feeling stoned/drunk/whatever this is for two -point-five weeks. However now that I've taken a bath I am no longer nauseated, breathing without a stuffy nose, and warmed up. Just in time for Kate's 3AM feeding when--luckily--she will keep track of the time and alert me that she is hungry so I don't have to watch the clock waiting and feeling half-stoned.

Folks. Be glad for a functioning thyroid if you've got one.

Ps: 1:37. Still in the tub. Wondering how long ago the water drained.

Day 16 of low iodine diet and Radioiodine Uptake RAIU

Today was my first of two outpatient visits to the hospital this week in preparation for my RAI treatment on Thursday.  I did not receive a callback from nuclear medicine on Friday so I went in with the unanswered question of whether or not I would be able to hold my little ones after taking the I-123 pills this morning.  So I tried to mentally prepare Dylan--and myself--in case I came home today and was no longer allowed to hug him.  That conversation with my 2yr old went like this:

Me:  Dylan, Mama is going into the hospital this morning to get some medicine for her boo boo.
Dylan:  I want to go to the hobital, too!
Me:  You get to stay here with Grampy and Kate where you'll have more fun.  But I need to talk to you about something.
Dylan: What.
Me: I may or may not be able to hug you for a few days after I get my medication because I will be contagious, which means my medicine might rub off on you and you do not have a boo boo so you don't need my medicine.  But that doesn't mean that Mama doesn't love you, OKay? 
Dylan:  Okay!
Me:  Do you have any questions?  Anything you would like to ask me?
Dylan: Yes!  Trucks, Mama!

So maybe he didn't grasp the concept, nor should he, but I was feeling the gravity of it all as we drove the hour to the hospital.  This morning was possibly the last time I would be able to hold my babies for a week and a half.

I didn't eat anything beforehand because I was unsure if I was supposed to fast and spent the morning dry heaving--my latest hypothyroid + LID symptom--and feeling like I would topple over.  I don't own a scale but I'm sure I've lost a good amount of weight these last few weeks because I am either sick or starving.



We got lost when the navigation put us in the wrong parking garage and we had no cash to right ourselves again so we went looking for an ATM and landed only a few minutes late to the beautiful yet depressing Smilow Cancer Center. It's odd to say that I actually like going to a cancer center but I feel very at home with my doctors and surgeons here. If we hadn't been running late I probably would've stopped in to visit. The image of a little bald girl being wheeled down the hall carrying a vomit bucket quickly reminded me that this beautiful building is filled with desperate sorrow.




We checked into the Diagnostic Radiology department and chatted with a lovely nurse before the doctor came in to answer our questions.



Here is our special radiation room:




The doctor advised that this low dose of radioiodine (seven pills of 200 micro curries--about 1.4 milli curries--of I-123) normally needs no precautionary measures but since I have a two month old I have a few restrictions. I can hug the kids but cannot hold them. I can sit next to them and Kate can still sleep in her crib beside our bed. We should be back to normal levels by tomorrow and I will be able to cuddle the heck out of them all day Wednesday before I go into isolation on Thursday. Obviously this news made me very happy.



I neglected to take photos of the actual pills but they look like seven Prevacid capsules. No big deal. Here are their canisters:



Taking the pills was no problem although it's a bit hard to wrap my head around the idea that I'm swallowing radioactive medicine, and I had zero side effects.

I ate an apple and a muffin when I came home and had a hamburger for dinner with lots of water and juice in between.

Tomorrow is the scan. Another drive, another day closer to kicking cancer's ass.

Low iodine diet: Day 15

I woke up sick to my stomach and immediately handed the baby to Sean so I could rush to the bathroom. I've got my fingers crossed that I am feeling well enough to keep that radioiodine pill down on Thursday.  Here are some photos from today:

I look how I feel lately

Pretzels?

Muffins

I failed at French fries

I'm a terrible cook.  Which is why I don't cook.  The muffins look pretty good so at least I can have breakfast before we drive to the hospital tomorrow morning.  The fries were tolerable.  The pretzels are meh.  Sean keeps cracking jokes about how I'm going to love going into isolation because the hospital will probably have edible food. I was able to get off the couch a bit more today and not feeling as cruddy as I did yesterday.  

Low iodine diet: Day 14

Starting Monday morning I will be at the hospital taking a small dose of radioiodine. I'm not sure whether or not I can be around the kids for extended periods of time after I take this pill. I called my nuclear medicine specialist yesterday to ask him how much radiation i will be emitting but have not received a call back. So this morning I've been on the ThyCa website reading a sleuth of discussions about RAI treatment. I think I'm more nervous now after I've read them. Fellow cancer patients are talking about how they got through the isolation, some at home and some hospitalized, and how far away they had to stay from their family members at the suggestion of doctors. My situation is a little unique because I have a two-month-old and a two-year-old at home.

I still worry about Sean taking care of them. Not because I don't think he's able, he is an incredible father, but because he is not their mother. He hasn't been with them around the clock since they were born like I have. I slept in the same bed with Dylan until he was 15 months old. I know which way to lay Katie down if she has gas, and how to touch Dylan on the face when he wakes up in the morning to make him smile. He doesn't yet know Katie signals and is not able to distinguish what she wants at all times. This morning I took a shower while Katie was still asleep, and came down to find her crying in her swing as Sean sat on the couch next to her. I asked him if he had fed her and he said he didn't realize she was hungry. But there are times when I cannot soothe the baby and Sean immediately picks her up and she is calm. The blame here is me. I neurotically try to meet their needs before they need to be met and my mind never shuts that off. If Katie so much as rolls over in her crib, I am awake and checking on her. The issue here is not whether or not they will be taken care of, the issue is that they'll be taken care of by someone other than me.

I worried this way when I was in the hospital for four days undergoing my thyroidectomy, too. But Sean was nothing but wonderful with Dylan and my heart warmed to see him on video chat so happy with daddy.

*

I'm mentally getting worse as these days without synthetic thyroid wear on. I yelled at Dylan earlier when he was rough housing the DVD player and he walked right up to me and said, "Stop being so mean, Mama."

The baby was inconsolable a few minutes ago and as soon as I finally got her to sleep the dog barked and I broke down sobbing. Every little thing has me either enraged or in tears. I'm still feeling desperate. Still feel like I'm starving.

Today I've eaten some pasta salad. That's it. It's 5PM. And all I've eaten is pasta salad. Thank God for Sean because I know I can't do this alone any longer.

Low iodine diet: Day 13

I couldn't stand up for more than three minutes today without feeling like I would faint.

As the day wore on I became more and more irritated with absolutely everything.

I went to Walmart because I needed medicine. Walmart: the worst place to be when you're upset. I don't think I smiled once. I bought some things for when I go away, things like shampoo and conditioner, face masks and gloves. I bought two of everything so that I can take one set with me to the hospital for isolation and one to the hotel. I only went for medicine, a loaf of bread, and some cheese doodles and ended up spending $65. But that doesn't matter.

When I got to my car there was a little yippy dog--a Yorkshire terrier--in the front seat of the car next to me. It was wearing a dress. It kept barking at me. I yelled to that little yippy dog that it was an asshole and shouldn't be wearing that ridiculous dress. Of course I said it while in the safety of my car so I didn't hurt its feelings.

I drove home with the emergency break on unknowingly because Dylan must've put it on earlier in the day when I was letting him sit in the passenger seat. On the way home my check engine light also came on as did my fuel light. Welcome to day 13 of the low iodine diet.

I bought a container of fake cheese so that I can take it with me to the hotel after the hospital. I will eat the whole container as soon as I am allowed to eat normal food again.

Tonight I will try to change my mood into something a little bit more uplifting and not so Irritated. Perhaps eating something, since I haven't really eaten all day aside from some chips and a banana, would change my mood. I've learned I cannot survive without a thyroid. I cannot function. Two weeks later I still feel like a drug addict coming down from a huge high. I plan on solving this with lots of Synthroid and dairy products next week.

You know you've sunk to a new low when you find yourself telling a dog in a dress that he is an asshole.

Low iodine diet: Day 12 (again)

So it's only 4AM on day 12 but I'm wide awake waiting for Katie to stop throwing herself a party for one in her crib so I figured I'd write a bit to keep me awake. I apparently thought yesterday was day 12 of my diet and completely skipped day 11 but that gives you a good idea about how it feels to function on a crappy diet without a thyroid. Brainless would be a good description. I've been searching the Internet for stories of RAI treatment to see what others experienced. If anything reading these accounts is making me more nervous. I go in for treatment next Thursday, one week from today, but I have to get some bloodwork done Friday (tomorrow) and I have to be at the hospital on Monday and Tuesday for a low dose of radioiodine and a scan so technically I'm well on my way to getting this ball rolling. I'm pretty sure I can't sleep next to Katie's crib--it's right next to our bed--next week after taking even the small dose of radioiodine but I don't know the specifics of if I can take care of the kids or hug them etc.

I don't know how I will survive being away from them.

As for how I'm feeling I've had two pretty good days back to back so that is promising. I read online that technically I shouldn't even be driving in this state of hypothyroidism because my reaction time is slowed. There are days when I can't remember my name but there are also OKay days when I feel close to normal.

I'll probably feel pretty sick during my isolation at the hospital but more than anything I will feel lonely. The mental aspect of going through this is much tougher than the physical side effects.

Low iodine diet: Day 12

I'm feeling pretty good today.  Although I've noticed a trend in what I'm eating.  I starve myself all morning because there is nothing I want to eat.  For lunch I have a hamburger.  For dinner I have something with corn chips and beans and veggies.  Once in a while I eat a PB&J.  For desserts I eat the iodine-free brownies I baked.  That's about the extent of it all. 

I spent the night editing photos of the kids.  We spent time in the daffodil fields today with Sarah and Teagan. 



For now, it's bed time.

Low iodine diet: Day 9

Today I feel like I have the flu. I can hardly find the strength to get off of the couch. Luckily both kids are sleeping right now and I plan on letting them nap as long as possible. Dylan was up most of the night trying to kick off his feetie pajamas and tossing and turning. He spent the morning doing errands with Grandpa so he's extra nappy. Kathleen had her two month checkup this morning and received shots in both arms and a leg so she'll most likely sleep until tonight.

The dogs know I'm sick and are hugging me. Sean will be home in two hours. I assume this is what hypothyroidism feels like: utter garbage.

Low iodine diet: Day 8

I'm getting the hang of this. I made brownies this morning and they were quite tasty. I had another hamburger for lunch, and for dinner we made grilled chicken tenderloins with corn and a skinless baked potato.

I have much more energy with this protein but I still feel wonky. Drunk almost. And my lips are tingling--darn you, calcium.

Low iodine diet: Day 7

I woke up feeling like I had the flu. Since I only caught three hours of sleep last night Sean scooped up Katie at 6AM and I conked out until...wait for it...TEN O'CLOCK!

I stumbled downstairs to Dylan in his cute pirate boxer brief pajama set running towards me.
"Maaaammmmmmmaaaaa!!!" All smiles.
And all three dogs lined up at my feet wagging their tails.
And little Katie slept peacefully in her swing.
Sean had already done the dishes and cooked Dylan a big Saturday morning breakfast.

I ate a banana and video chatted with my sister. Sean and Dylan went off to run errands together and I caught a shower in peace for the first time in I can't remember. The boys were back as soon as I finished and Dylan and I attempted to make iodine-free corn muffins:



They tasted like sneakers.

I ate a few corn chips--still questionable whether they contain iodine--and drank a juice box before we took off for a short hike.






(I think Sean looks especially sexy in that last photo. Something about a good-looking man with a baby.)

After getting fresh air we stopped at two stores for dog food and diapers and by the time we got home I was feeling absolutely starved. I had eaten one banana, one juice box, three corn chips, and a bite of a corn muffin all day. I nearly cried when we passed the macaroni and cheese/Spaghettio aisle. I don't even like Spaghettios. When we got to the meat section I started drooling. I don't even like meat.

I walked out of the store practically hugging a salt-free bottle of Heinz ketchup (I researched the brand this morning and found that it was acceptable even though there is a salt substitute listed in the ingredients) and an 8-pack of raw meat slider burgers. We weren't in the front door two minutes before I had started cooking them.

I devoured four mini sliders--two sandwichfuls--three juice boxes and was still hungry but I was no longer starving. I've been starving all week. As soon as I ate those burgers my mind started to clear and I felt instantly better. Who knew.

Low iodine diet: Day 6

A friend of mine who also went through thyroid withdrawal commented that she was impressed I took a trip to the grocery store because she was unable to function without medication in the few weeks before her RAI treatment. I didn't quite grasp what her 'unable to function' comment meant until today when I was absolutely unable to function. Yesterday was a good day. Today has been beyond horrible.

Sean will be home from work soon and he will be here with me all weekend so I'm feeling a bit better knowing that I can relax a little now, but this morning I felt like I could care less if I lived or died. If I didn't have these sweet babies to take care of--and heal for--I would've stayed in bed. I keep thinking that feeling so uprooted because of a simple diet and medication is ridiculous, that I should be able to handle this without much distress. The truth is I am not able to function. My body is starving constantly even after eating, I'm feeling weak and dizzy, my mind is cloudy, and I'm desperate. Knowing that I have to wake up in the morning and care for two small children is a struggle.

I messed up pretty good this morning and started screaming at a family member, screaming hard using plenty of swear words and things I wouldn't normally think of saying. I did this in front of Dylan as we sat for breakfast at the kitchen table. I then ran into another room and shut the door and cried my eyes out. When I realized that I had completely lost my cool I quickly dried my eyes and found Dylan sitting on the floor of the kitchen. I crouched down to him and, "Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to act like that. Mama needed a Time Out for being fresh." Dylan hugged me and said, "I'm sorry for being fresh, Mama." I had to explain to him that he did absolutely nothing wrong, it was my fault, and I held him so tight. I could've just curled up in a ball and died right there.

I'm going through drug withdrawal. Food withdrawal. Emotional struggles. Sickness.

I spent the rest of the day trying to make it up to Dylan although inside I was feeling like my soul had completely left my body. We played outside with worms and bikes, played trucks, watched his favorite truck shows, cuddled. I told him that I was having a bad day and I was sorry. Dylan is resilient when he falls or scrapes his knee but he is sensitive and holds things inside. When he was little he went through a biting phase and bit me hard on the shoulder enough to make me cry, he talked about it for weeks. I'd tuck him in at night and he'd say, "I bit Mama. I made Mama cry, Mama." He would lie there under his covers and look up as if he was thinking about how horrible he had been. He did the same thing when he went through a big hitting phase and hit his friend Jovani. "I hit Jo Jo, Mama. Jo Jo cried." I really fucked up today when I lost my cool. He woke up from his nap needing to be held a lot and feeling very clingy.

I snuck one Dorito today. One Dorito yesterday, too. It's come to craving dairy and processed foods so hard that one Dorito can calm me down for a few minutes. This morning we made French toast with iodine-free bread, corn oil to coat the pan, egg whites, sugar, and cinnamon.




This is normally a staple food for me and it really didn't taste much different than it usually does, and yet I still had to fight it down my throat.

I want to throw in the towel.

But moms can't just quit. I can't stop being there for my babies. I can't hide under the covers. I have to deal with this withdrawal. I have to get cancer treatment. I have to be healthy.

I'm not sure I have the strength for this.

Thyroidectomy: Six months post op!

Today marks six months since my total thyroidectomy. My scar is getting progressively better and my neck no longer hurts. For about four months after surgery my scar felt like a giant paper cut or a burn and I constantly had to rub vitamin E cream on it to soothe the pain. Instead of feeling puffy it is now smooth and not as noticeable.

My scar today, 6 months post op

Since the surgeon removed some of my neck muscles sometimes when I laugh too hard my neck feels like it is popping out of the socket--if that makes sense--and I have to turn my head a few times until it rights itself. Aside from that silly side effect I often forget I have a scar.

For comparison:

Six days post op

2 months post op

Today also marks day 5 of my low iodine diet. After Sean came home from work I headed off to the grocery alone and spent about two hours pacing the aisles, reading ingredients and feeling defeated.

I felt as if I might puke all day and my stomach was extremely painful. I guess I will have my good days and my bad.

As I drove home Paul Brandt's Cry if you want to came on shuffle, and even though I didn't feel like crying the significance wasn't lost on me. This was the song that my sister sang to me when my dear friend Paul was diagnosed with brain cancer years ago. I'll never forget her holding me as I wept in her wife's--then girlfriend--bedrooom. Crying and feeling like it was OKay to cry was exactly what I needed. Tonight the song made me stronger as I thought about how many people are supporting me through this journey. I've made a lot of friends (hi, Sara!) and have reconnected with some old ones.

I still just want milk and cheese. If I could have any food right now it would be nachos with fake cheese, washed down with a huge glass of milk.

My RAI treatment is two weeks from today. Let's get this over with.

Low iodine diet: Day 4

Today I felt great!

My body is starting to get used to this diet.  Also, now that I've upped my calcium I'm feeling much better.  There were a few times today when I stood up too fast and felt as if I might faint, but for the most part I had enough energy to take a walk with Katie, to groom and shower the dogs, and clean the house.

Tonight I had whole wheat pasta with olive oil, Mrs. Dash, iodine-free salt, and a splash of sugar.  It was so good I had two plates.  And with the leftover pasta I made a pasta salad for tomorrow.  For desert I had a mango fruit popsicle and then Dylan and I made popcorn in our Whirley Pop (thanks Carrie and Laura!).  I also had a cup of soda.  I felt like we were at the movies!

I feel constantly hungry even though I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies, but I no longer feel like I'm in dairy withdrawal.

I'm off to put Dylan to sleep.  He should've been in bed an hour ago and is currently sitting next to me at the table saying, "You got ears, Mama!"  

Low iodine diet: Day 3

I'm feeling mentally grumpy. I feel better physically today than I did last night when I was on the verge of going to the hospital. Tonight, however, my reoccurring toothache flared and this mixed with a tired Dylan, a cranky Kate, an unsuccessful attempt at setting up Internet for my mother, as well as my computer deciding to shut itself down mid-file transfer sort of all ganged up on me and now I'm sulking. Like I really need a fucking toothache right now.

I was out all day so I only ate two apples and came home to have a whole bunch of iodine-free bread dipped in oil and basaltic vinegar. I'm hungry but I'm hypothyroid so I'm feeling like eating isn't as important as pitying myself as I soak in this hot bath.

I wrote to my friend with bone cancer and told her I felt crappy and that I felt even more crappy for feeling crappy when I think of what she is going through. After I typed these sentences I felt like a total dick for complaining about my low calcium symptoms and toothache:

"What is the radiation like? And for fuck's sake what is happening with your protruding screw in your back?"

But this friend knows best what going through cancer and what feeling like you've got no one who understands you feels like and I feel a hundred times better every time I am able to catch up with her. I used the word 'feel' three times in that last sentence.

I am feeling.

I felt mentally great for most of the day. I spent time with or spoke to my father, father-in-law, stepmother, mother, and sister today and drove home from these visits in the rain blasting James Taylor's Copperline, Richard Shindell's Waiting for the Storm, ABB's Soulshine and the like as the kids slept in the back seat. I smiled huge as I sang and felt as if the rain cleansed my soul and my spirit as I drove.

I thought, "Well this is hard. I feel sick. But I will live."

It's amazing what thyroid hormone withdrawal and starving will do to a person. I am on a constant acid trip these past few days feeling as if my mind is flying through a Windows 98 space screensaver. I don't feel coherent.

Feel.

Maybe I'll try eating something. Some jellybeans, too, to pretend I can eat whatever I'd like.

Low iodine diet: Day 2

Today was harder.  I woke up with a headache and still have one thirteen hours later.  I'm not sure whether my body is reacting to food withdrawals or because I haven't taken my thyroid hormone since Saturday morning.

I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit.  This weekend I forgot to let our dog Sam in from the backyard and we went grocery shopping for two hours before coming home to discover my mistake.  Then I paid for something and left it on the self checkout tray.  Today I forgot my phone at home and took the kids to Home Depot for a tiny paint sample and made it halfway home before discovering I had left the paint sample in the carriage.  I'm not feeling well.  But, life goes on.

I've got to stay strong for my kiddos.




At night, though, when both kids are asleep I allow myself to break down physically and turn into a blob.  And then Sean takes care of me and reassures me that I am not going to die when I tell him I feel like I will.  My head is throbbing so hard.  My heart is pounding but feels like it is barely beating.  I can't see straight. I'm a bit bummed that my doctor chose to have me go through withdrawal rather than give me shots that will not make me feel so cruddy. This is not fun. But man. Three more weeks and hopefully the worst of the cancer will be over. Please, God, let it be over.

Today I exchanged emails with a family member of mine and without going into detail I want to tell her that what she did for me today means so much. An angel in the midst of all of this crap I'm going through. I feel very loved and thankful.

I am also glad that my best friend Sarah is here from England. We spent the day loving up on our babies and laughing together: singing Loch Lomond in the kitchen as the microwave droned the hum of a bagpipe, baby-wearing our girls and taking pictures, changing diapers simultaneously on the floor.



Sarah and I talk daily and her move to England a year and a half ago hasn't stopped us from being "us", it just means we don't get to see each other often these days. I mentioned to her how strange it felt to have her here because we didn't need to catch up on our lives, we just need to hug each other again. To sit and do nothing together. To hold our best friend's babies.

She ate my fruit salad breakfast with me and smiled through our kind of gross corn tacos as we sat with our daughters.

As crappy as I feel today, I feel incredibly blessed and optimistic.

Low Iodine Diet (LID): Day 1

So. Day 1. I'm doing OKay so far but I feel like I felt when I gave up smoking cigarettes although this time I'm craving milk hardcore. Between Dylan and myself we drink about a gallon of milk every day and a half. Maybe it is because I am hypocalcemic and crave that calcium. Maybe I just love milk. But I can promise that when I am finally able to eat normally again my first meal will consist of milk and maybe chocolate.

Today I ate:

• Oatmeal with raisins 
• Strawberries and blueberries with sugar
• A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with natural peanut butter and iodine-free bread 
• Pasta salad (whole wheat pasta with white vinegar, olive oil, spices, sugar, and salt)
• Motts for Tots juice
• Ants on a log 
• Caffeine-free coke
• Homemade oatmeal raisin cookies

My stomach hurts but I have more energy.  I will go through thyroid hormone withdrawal in about a week and I may start to feel less peppy, but today I was actually able to have a dance party with Dylan and Brie and my heart didn't feel strained as it normally does on my medication.  Once I get past this milk addiction I will be just fine.  Again, a big thank you to all of you friends and family for your support.  A big shout-out to my husband who listened to me start to feel sad about not being able to eat the foods I love and picked me up with his unending optimism and love several times today. 

Countdown to RAI

I start my low iodine diet tomorrow so today I am rummaging through ThyCa's 123-paged LID cookbook. Tonight we will take a trip to Whole Foods or Trader Joes and buy a ton of iodine-free ingredients. I think I will miss milk and Reece's peanut butter cups most.

I'm still feeling bummed about having to go on this diet and then having to go into isolation in a few weeks, but I'm optimistic (so far) that I can do this.

Here are my guidelines and restrictions for when I come home from the hospital. I will have to stay someplace else--with family or at a hotel--until the whole week is over because I can't be around the kids without holding them and I don't want to endanger them in any way:

• Minimize contact (less than 3 feet or 0.6 meter for more than 1 hour each day) with everyone for the first five days, and with small children or pregnant women for eight days. 
• Do not sit next to someone in an automobile for more than one hour. Sleep in a separate room and use separate bath linen and launder these and underclothing separately for one week. 
• Wash your hands with soap and plenty of water every time you use the toilet. 
• Rinse the sink and tub thoroughly after using them. 
• Use separate eating utensils or disposable eating utensils. Wash eating utensils separately for one week. 
• Do not prepare food for others. 
•  Flush toilet 2-3 times after use for two weeks after discharge. 
•  Males should sit when urinating to avoid splashing for one week. 
•  Discuss with your doctor how long you should wait before starting a pregnancy after your treatment (usually at least two months for males and six months for females). If you are breastfeeding, it should be discontinued, but can be resumed for subsequent childbirths.

Tomorrow I stop taking all thyroid hormones which will put me through withdrawal and cause me to feel hypothyroid. It will be nice not to have to keep an empty stomach twice a day like I do now in order to take my pills, but I'm going to feel exhausted and probably emotional.

I need to start thinking on the bright side of things. I can totally do this.