No news means I'm feeling well

I've felt great for two days. Still needing to nap once or twice a day but having enough energy to get up and move around.

Homebound

Today is the first day this week I actually felt well enough to get off of the couch. Good thing, too, because this house needed cleaning like you read about. Dylan has been sick with a cold since Sunday and will not be well enough to return to school until at least next Monday, and with all of this snow and my normal thyroid fatigue issues we haven't left the house since Saturday. The kids don't seem to mind sticking around the house, especially since they've been spoiled with gingerale and popsicles for their sore throats.

I put this blog together last night when I couldn't fall asleep and spent about an hour this morning importing all of my thyroid posts from past blogs. I had quite a ride down memory lane reading all of those old posts. I've come to realize that my last two doctors had absolutely no idea what they were doing and my new doctor, well, she's amazing. On my first visit with her I told her how much medicine I was taking and she explained that I was taking double the dose for a person my size, that the reason that my legs completely stopped working and that I felt like I was being poisoned was because in actuality, I was being poisoned.

I weighed myself today. 103.5 pounds!! That is the most I've weighed in months! Even though I'm still feeling the effects of chronic fatigue, I am doing so much better than I was and I'm just so happy I found my new doctor.

Insomnia

My lovely doctor called this morning and I told her about this weekend, how I woke up at 11:30 on Saturday night with my heartbeat so slow that I couldn't move my body and I was swirling in and out of consciousness. Low calcium, I told her, it's gotta be. I've been feeling numbness and tingling in my hands and feet all week. The last time I had hypotension like that was right after my thyroidectomy and I had to be put on a calcium drip for four days to get my levels up.

She mentioned that my thyroid levels were pretty good, TSH is at a 0.39 or something, which is still pretty hyper, but my thyroglobulin antibodies look nice and low. Oh, I think I can post a screenshot of my results; the power of technology!



She wants me to do thyrogen shots soon and most likely another WBS. Blech.

I'm still feeling off. Napped for two hours today so of course it's nearly midnight and I can't sleep. Hands and feet are quite numb. Heart seems okay.

Medicine: 100mg Synthroid, 7.5mcg Cytomel, calcium, iron, vitamin D.

One step at a time

Maybe I should play the Lottery. I dropped my iPhone in the bathtub yesterday and after I finished panicking and managed to fish it out of the water, I realized that it still worked just fine. The speakers weren't working but that was nothing that couldn't be fixed by wearing headphones. And then this morning I woke up with a fully functional phone. Speakers and all!

What are the odds?

I've been taking way too many baths. Since my father-in-law brought me gourmet soaps and my aunt gave me a heavenly muscle soak, and since I'm already constantly freezing, I take at last four baths a day. Really hot baths.

Since my TSH levels were so damn high as of last Monday, my doctor put me on the fast track to getting them from a 15.34 down to a 2.5 or less by doubling my Armour levels from one grain to two grains. So I've been feeling pretty lousy, as usual, but it's a different lousy. I'm still overly fatigued and pretty much bed(couch)-ridden but now I'm absolutely freezing on top of that. I cannot warm up no matter how many layers I've got on or how many baths I take or how many blankets I'm under. Last night as we watched Dexter on the couch Sean tucked me under my fuzzy bathroom, in a sleeping bag, under a fuzzy blanket, and then he laid his legs on top of mine and I was shaking I was so cold. This will be a huge benefit to me come summertime on those tropical 80&deg days. I'm constantly on the THYCA forums and "cold" is a pretty common symptom oddly enough so I'll just be glad that it isn't anything worse. Cold, I can handle.

Little Miss Katie Rhea has been trying to walk since yesterday. She's so cautious, unlike her big brother who was plowing through everything at 11 months and climbing up the ladder of our swing set not long after. She has the muscles to walk but not the confidence. You should see how proud she was last night as she kept taking one step and then another step before sitting herself down. Katie does things at Katie's pace.

Here she is taking one small step for mankind, one giant leap for a baby:


Pardon the boys playing football in the background. She's been taking more steps than that but I haven't been able to catch it on video, mostly because I'm busy helping her to not topple over.

So that explains so much

My doctor's office called this morning. Today is my doctor's day off but one of the nurses wanted to give me a heads up on the results of Monday's lab work. Let me try to explain this...

A person with a normal healthy thyroid should have a TSH or thyroid stimulating hormone level of 0.5 - 5.0. Anything over a 5 would mean that the person is hypothyroid, meaning having an underactive thyroid gland.

A person with a history of papillary thyroid carcinoma should have a lower level--from 0.1 - 2.5--of TSH to keep thyroid tissue growth down so the leftover cancer cells are not tempted to spread.

And my TSH levels as of Monday were at 15.34! Three times the healthy level for a normal thyroid. This means that I am extremely hypothyroid--or lacking in thyroid hormone.

So that looks a little like this:

I'm severely hypothyroid, which would explain my constant exhaustion. There are a ton of symptoms for hypothyroidism--here are 300 of those symptoms--but my biggest is fatigue.

I'm glad to know the reason why I've been feeling just so awful as of late, my body has felt as if it was dying. But it all makes sense now, I'm starving for thyroid hormone. Hopefully when the doctor calls tomorrow he'll know how much extra medicine I will need to lower these abnormal values.

In the meantime, it's a great day to snuggle on the couch with the kids. We bought Frozen on Amazon Prime and are on our second viewing. There is nothing more healing than cuddling two sweet little ones in my arms for hours.

And on his farm he had a pig thyroid...

I saw my endocrinologist this afternoon. My symptoms are getting worse and I'm getting desperate for someone to help me feel like myself again. Usually I don't put much faith in these appointments, each time I go it is the same: My legs don't work. I'm exhausted. Please fix me. counteracted with the doctor's Let's take some thyroid panels. Change your dose of Synthroid. Come back in two months. I can't expect my doctor to heal me in one visit, but there has been no improvement over the last year.

I explained to my doctor that I can barely stand up without needing to rest these days, that I feel as if my body is running a marathon even when I'm lying down, that the muscle fatigue is getting so bad that I have to pull up a chair to the stove when I make macaroni and cheese because I can't stand long enough without assistance. My mind is cloudy and I'm forgetting basic things like where a stamp goes on an envelope or my zip code. And what did I do yesterday? I've got no idea. I can't remember simple short-term details. Did I take my meds three minutes ago? I have to check which day of the week is empty in my pill case. My legs are covered in bruises, my skin is sandpaper dry, I'm freezing. I'm so nauseated that I'm taking medicine to make me not throw up, I'm so anxious that I'm taking more medicine to soothe my nerves, and I've got no desire to eat. My emotions are all over the place and I'm crying at the drop of a hat, filled with anger instantly, and sad that I'm stuck on the couch for seven hours or more a day. But the worst of it is the fatigue. I just can't move.

I dragged myself to the appointment. I typed up my list of medicine and symptoms and waited for the doctor to say Let's change your dose and I'll see you in two months. But he didn't. He looked back in my charts and noticed the pattern: fatigue, inability to walk, brain fog. He said that I'm exhibiting both hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism symptoms and he has no idea why. While filling out an evaluation, he listed my condition as severe. I cried. I'm exhausted.

So we decided to take a different route. Instead of taking man-made synthetic hormone pills I will be switching to natural desiccated thyroid tomorrow morning. It is the grossest concept to me--crushed up pig and cow hormone--but at this point I will do anything to feel better. Anything.

Here's an awesome article about Armour and its history.

So I'm not going to give up hope. I will get better. I will get through the next few months of tests and body scans and low iodine diets and pig thyroid. Frankly I don't have much of a choice. But I'd rather look on the bright side of this than wallow in the reality that today I was a gray-faced, 102-pound mess, crying my eyes out, begging for someone to make me better.

And how could I be sad with my husband here at home to make me smile? At dinner he said, "Do you realize how excited I'll be if my Love starts smelling like bacon!?!"

I'm still alive

Last night was rough. I go through periods of feeling pretty great followed by some rough patches and I find that usually when I stop taking my thyroid medicine for a few days I start to feel better. It's my body telling me that I've got too much Synthroid in my system and it's a huge balancing act of trying to blindly regulate my levels.

I've been having pretty extreme leg pain this week and last night it escalated beyond my exhausting leg pain and materialized into whole-body numbness. It's hard to explain. My face, arms, legs, and down one side of my back felt as if they were coated in Icy Hot or Ben Gay, this unexplainable numbing burning sensation. I tossed around under the covers thinking that maybe I was lying on a nerve and it was causing those symptoms. I thought maybe I was dehydrated or low on calcium. After two hours of being awake and petrified that I couldn't feel my body, or rather I could feel it but it was burning and sore, I crawled downstairs and wrote about how I was feeling on Facebook. I was terrified. And a part of me wanted to write it down on Facebook so that if I had died during the night people would know why. That sounds extremely dramatic but it was such a scary pain that I envisioned that maybe I had a blood clot in my legs or I was going into hypocalcemic shock and my heart would give out and I would pass in my sleep. I remember looking at a picture of Kate as I fell in and out of consciousness and wondering if she would remember me if I didn't make it through the night. I was ready to wake Sean up to take me to the hospital. But then I thought, none of my endocrinologists can help me without changing my Synthroid dose and telling me to wait a few weeks to see if I feel better so how would a hospital be able to fix me? So I drank some water in case I was simply dehydrated and fell back to sleep around 3AM.

I woke this morning feeling numb in my arms and legs but no longer in my back and face. An improvement. When I heard Kate giggling in her crib I opted to call for Sean to carry her downstairs because I didn't trust myself to bring her myself. Sean came up to check on me a few minutes later and my feet and hands were extremely clammy and I looked gray in the face. I'm not sick, this is all normal thyroid cancer stuff, but basically--as Cancer.org so nicely explains, "Extreme tiredness, called fatigue, is very common in people treated for cancer. This is not a normal tiredness, but a bone-weary exhaustion that doesn't get better with rest."--it feels like all of my bones are bending backwards. It feels like I'm recovering from running a marathon and I can never fully recoup.